Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize