he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
