my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
