Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
