Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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