I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
