then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
