Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
