definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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