Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
