not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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