I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
