dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
