3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
