I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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