Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
