I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
