i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
