I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
