she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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