Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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