We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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