WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
