I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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