Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
