So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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