She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
