ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My pussy is not your playground.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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