Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
