WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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