All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
