My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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