I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
