You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
