I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
