I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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