Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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