I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
