My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
