FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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