I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have demons in me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
