Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
