butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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