i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
