I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
