I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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