I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
