Your favorite bartender is back from prision
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
