like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
