all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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