Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
