its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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